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Messy Love

Worry consumes me. It comes, stays, and knows it is not welcome here. It consumes my every thought and action. I say leave. It says absolutely not. It makes me numb. Yes, I feel numb. What is there to worry about, you ask. Only everything. College, scholarships, money, friends, and the future. . .

Yea, I know, God has EVERYTHING under control. Like I said I know, but do I believe? Do I trust him? And by not trusting, it shows my selfishness. And before God has it under control, shouldn't I give him complete authority over that EVERYTHING? Shouldn't I hand all that stuff to him. And by not handing everything over, it shows God I think I can handle it better than he can. How can I give it all over to a God that I have fallen out of love with? How can I trust a God I don't even know anymore?

And before I forget, I need to make it completely clear that it's not anyones fault but my own. God is still here. He is still chasing and pursuing and wooing. And once again I'm in the same place. Being ignorant. Wow, you're chasing me? I didn't notice because I'm too consumed with my worry. Wow, you love me? How? I do absolutely nothing for you. I'm too screwed up for you to love. And there you stand with your arms wide open... Again.

Why? Why would you still want me when all I do is run from you? I don't understand. And you still love me and call me beloved, a name I do not deserve. I don't deserve your love, but you still lavish it on me. And still you say, "beloved, you are ALWAYS mine."

I'm so thankful for your messy love. Your incredibly messy love. This love is so not clean cut, not cookie-cutter. It is indescribable, uncomprehendable, and UNCONDITIONAL. No matter how bad I screw up, how many times I ignore you, how many times I pretend to know you, you still LOVE me. Of all people me? Really? I don't get it.

Im ready god. I'm so ready to fall back in love. I'm ready to be changed. I'm ready to really KNOW you, and stop acting like I do. Im ready to fall for you Again. I'm ready for a fresh start. And thankfully you are standing there, ready and willing.

Thankfully, not matter how I want things to go, they go your way. And thankfully, you know what's best for me much better than I do.

Thankfully, no matter how selfish I am, I will NEVER leave your hand.

Thankfully, your love is messy.

Dreaming...

I love to dream. I just love it. I dream about all of the great things that lie ahead of me. Sometimes, I can get incredibly overwhelmed, but even so I love to dream. One of my dreams is to become a children's or youth minister someday, and to some that may sound like a simple dream, but that's one of my biggest dreams. I can't even describe how working with the kids and younger youth at our church makes me feel. To say the least, it makes me feel at home. It makes me feel right. I know that being with the kids is somewhere God has called me to be, and stay for the rest of my life. And that calling makes me so excited about my future! Just the fact that my dream aligns with God's calling for me is incredible. When I tell people this dream I have (or when people ask me what do you want to be when you "grow up") and I say I want to go into Youth Ministry and say I want to go to college for that, I get some crazy looks and comments. Things like "You're not going to make any money doing that", "I'm glad you can deal with kids because I sure couldn't",and "I wouldn't go to college for that. I would get a degree in something else just as a fallback plan, in case it doesn't work out." But just some news for the people who say that: 1) I would rather be happy with, LOVE, and be passionate about what I'm doing than have money. 2) I know this is God's calling for me, so I fully trust that if I do what he says that he will provide. 3) Once again, I fully believe this is what God wants me to do, therefore, he will take care of me so I think it would be a little "untrusting" of me to have a fallback plan. 4) I'm going to do what I know GOD wants me to do even with your advice. So sorry. But I just want to tell my one reader, if that, that if you have a dream (however big or small) GO FOR IT! People will try to discourage you from doing what you want and what God wants, but do what you'll be happy with. I went to Nashville this last week, and went to see the college I'm thinking about going to. I LOVED it. Seeing the place I could quite possible be in a couple of years really renewed my hope in my dream. And I know that probably makes no sense to anyone, but God really showed me that this dream of mine is supposed to be what I'm pursuing, and to do anything in my power (and of course a whole lot of His) to achieve it. He also showed me to not let myself get discouraged with all the negative comments around me. That all that matter is it's what He wants me to do. So I'm going to do it. Hope you guys dream big!

New Years Resolutions.....

Well I was going to list out all of my supposed resolutions... key word: supposed, but I don't think I am anymore because I only have one resolution. Me and one of my good friends sat down to eat before going to see Avatar (which was amazing by the way) and we started talking about New Years resolutions. She told me her one and I began naming off a whole list of them, and at the end, after saying all of them, I looked at her and said I really don't know... My list: (everyone's normal list) Lose a little weight, be more adventurous, actually try at school, yada yada yada.... Well I got home and got in the bathtub (which is where I do my best thinking) and I thought about what my New Years Resolution could be. I wanted it to be something good, and something I need to do... So I text my friend and said, "I got it! I know what my new years resolution is going to be!" She text back, "What?" and this is exactly what I put, "to NEVER take my eyes off of God, to focus on Him and His will for me above everything else, and allow him to be MY god... The God of every detail in my life. The end." And that is it. That is my one resolution. I think that one resolution will make 2010 a great year and one to remember. 2010 will be a year of big decisions for me. I'll have to start applying to colleges(scary) and figure out exactly what I want to do. I know I want to move off somewhere. I just don't know exactly where. And honestly that scares me to death, the not knowing part. I just wish God would drop a list out of the sky saying you are going to college here, and you need to get this degree, and have everything mapped out for me... But it's not happening... And where would the fun be in that. But I know God will lead me exactly where I need to be... I'm extremely excited about this new year and I hope you are too! I think it will be a year of new beginnings, at least I hope so. And I leave you with this:

Philippians 3:13-14
:No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven"

Let's look forward to what lies ahead this next year! This will be the last blog of 2009! So Happy New Years to everyone! :)

Your love is a remedy...

Your love is a remedy....


I got the new Switchfoot cd, Hello Hurricane, and it's surprisingly really good. (No offense to any Switchfoot fans) But I really like it, and my favorite song on that CD is most definitely Your Love Is a Song, so while I was listening to it I really started to listen to the lyrics. Two Words: SIMPLY AMAZING. Check 'em out:

"Your love is a symphony
all around me, running through me
Your love is a melody
underneath me, running to me

Your love is a song
Your love is my remedy
Your love is a song"

Some quick thoughts: (I promise I'll "attempt" to keep this one short.)
I'm so thankful I have a Savior who loves me THAT much, whose love surrounds me everywhere I am, even in my weak times. I am extremely thankful that His love is constantly running to me... yeah, if I was it, I would probably run away from me. (That's scary to think about, haha.) His love is always overwhelming to me. He amazes me by constantly revealing new aspects of His love for me. It makes me smile just thinking about it. Wow! But as I was listening to it, one line kept playing over and over in my head.... Your love is my remedy. His love is MY remedy... definition of remedy:
1. something that cures or relieves a disease or bodily disorder; a healing medicine, application, or treatment.
2. something that corrects or removes an evil of any kind.
His love heals me on a constant and consistent basis. It relieves me, and removes "evil". His love is what keeps me sane. His love lives inside of me, and do I do a good job of showing it's indescribable and unconditional nature to others? Absolutely Not! But I'm thankful for a God who loves me that much nonetheless. I'm thankful for a God whose love is indescribable, over reaching the realms of our minds and our descriptions by far. Just a thought! :) Thanks for reading! Hope everyone had a GREAT thanksgiving!

I Haven't Seen the Stars Lately

I haven't seen the stars lately. Not because they aren't there, but because I haven't taken the time to look. My life just seems to be moving faster and faster, when I really would love for it just to slow down. I was thinking last night about how much I love the stars.. I mean I absolutely love them. They're my favorite, yet I haven't taken the time to look at them. I haven't even paid attention to something I hold so dear just because I've been busy. That sounds like a horrible excuse to me. Well that just about describes my life lately. I haven't been paying attention to the things I love. And I'm just going to be honest, I haven't spent much time with my God lately. I used to LOVE to have my nightly talks with him, and to learn more and more about him everyday. I used to feel smitten when I would learn something new and exciting about Him that I didn't know. My date with God used to be my favorite part of the day. First, School started... and that led to homework. And then I started working more, and then I started going to devotions of some sort on almost every week night.. And when I got home I would just do my homework and go to bed. I thought that the devotions would make up for my personal time with God, and it didn't. Just like looking at a picture of the stars doesn't fulfill my desire to look at the stars. It's so different. I have discovered I need my one on one time. I have started having my dates with God again and let me tell you, There's nothing like it. Nothing can take the place of that time for me. I missed it so much. I also missed this, a lot, a whole lot. I miss blogging. I just haven't had time, or at least I tell myself that to make me feel better. Well, I'm just glad I can do this now, and get back into it. But I am starting this up again. I shall soon have some guest bloggers, and let me tell you they're good, very awesome. Some amazing friends of mine. Oh, and I wrote a guest blog for Jake Branham's The Journey Blog. Check it out, TheJourneyBlogs.blogspot.com. But anyways all this to say, Maybe I'm back into the swing of things. I hope so. Well leave some comments! :) Thanks for reading!! I love you guys.

LiveWithPassion :)

It's time for an awakening.

Hey guys! What's up? It's been a really really long time since I've done this! Believe me, I've really missed it. Well tomorrow is the first day of school, and honestly I'm absolutely dreading it but I know it'll be okay! This year, I'm ready to be the difference at county high, and I know I can do it. Well, not alone, but God and me. I used to think that God only used adults, so I would tell myself that I would make a change when I got older. Well now I know that that isn't true. And I have a thirst to be the change now. I know God can and will use me to do huge things at County High. I'm so ready this year to see an awakening at County High, for people to see God for who he really is. I'm ready for all the Christians to come together and be the change. I'm ready for us to fulfill our destiny that God has set out for us. I'm ready to see all the Christians to really act like Christians are supposed to act. To quit being hypocritical, gossipy, judgmental, etc. and to start showing people the love, hope, and peace Yahweh has given us. I'm so ready to see a huge change this year! I have committed to change myself this year. I have committed to love unconditionally. I have committed to quit being scared, scared of what people think, scared of the unknown, scared of letdowns. Why should I be afraid when I have the all powerful God on my side? I have decided to grasp the moment, and to live for now. Not live for yesterday. "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He Loves Us!" I think it's time to put our worship in motion and to live for god and god alone. I am committing to really being passionate about it this year. I'm ready to really live out my faith and show people my real identity, the living God. I seriously think God is going to show up at TCHS this year, if we let him. I want me and the other Christians to be salt and make people who see us thirsty for more of the living God. I want us to shine his light and let everyone see him for who he really is! I pray that God will use me and all the other christians in HUGE ways this year. I am so ready to seriously be the difference. I want people to look at me and God's other disciple and know that there is something different about us. And that difference is the hope God has given us. I am so ready to see a huge change this year. And I believe with God's help we can do it. I am ready to see Christians put their worship into motion and live it through their everyday lives. I think we can do it!!!! Are you with me?

How He Loves

Okay so just read these lyrics! My friend Luke showed me this awesome song. It's called How He Loves by John Mark Mcmillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...

Cause He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

AMAZING! I just wanted you all to be blessed by these lyrics like I have! I'll blog more later. LOVE.

Do Not Be Afraid

What's up guys! Once again, I haven't wrote in a while. I just can't keep up with this thing. Let's see as of right now, I've been doing pretty good. I got to spend the whole day with my niece yesterday, which was great! But I just read my friend Luke's blog. It talks about how we should live in the moment, not the fear of the future or the memories of yesterday. SO TRUE. This might just be me but a lot of the time I feel like I'm just standing still in one spot watching everyone else running past me, trying my hardest to figure out where I am. I know that's extremely confusing but that's the best way to put it into words. I am ready to jump in the moment and live for what God put me in that specific moment for. Just wanted to say that. I really wanted to tell you guys about what God has been showing me lately. Well you know how in my last blog I told you how scared I was and I really didn't even know why. Well here's something weird, VBS started the day after I wrote that, and the theme: Don't be afraid. Well if that wasn't a God thing I don't know what was. The bible stories each night were about Moses. The first night was when God spoke to him through the burning bush and how scared he was. God told him that he needed to go rescue his people from the Pharaoh and lead them to the promise land. He told God that he was scared and that he didn't think he was the man for the job. Well that's exactly how I feel. Like I just think, Well God don't you think this is a pretty big thing, don't you need someone better than me, like a better, more committed person, someone who doesn't act like me. I just think, seriously God? that's a pretty important thing... and you're depending on me? Woah. I think that's what scares me. I think I am what scares me. It's not the task or God, but it's me. I know that I've got a whole lot of changing in store. And I know that God is preparing me for my task. That's what the waiting period is for, preparation and seeking. In order to do what God has told me to do, I must seek. Above all things, I must seek him and that is my preparation. But it scares me that I'm me. That this task is in my hands. That probably makes no sense to anyone else but that's the only way to explain it. But God kept telling me at VBS. Don't be afraid, I am ALWAYS with you. You aren't doing this alone. You are doing it with me. Do Not Be Afraid, I do what I say I do and I am who I say I am. TRUST ME on this one. So that's what I am going to do. I am going to trust. Please continue to pray for me. Thanks guys! Leave some comments.

Waiting

Okay, So let me just start out with this: These lyrics describe what I've been feeling lately.
hungry I come to You
for I know You satisfy
I am empty
but I know Your love does not run dry
and I wait
and I wait
so I wait for You
so I wait for You

chorus
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

broken I run to You
for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I'll wait for You
so I'll wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

hungry I come to you,
for I know You satisfy

I'm about to really open up to yall. These last couple of weeks have scared me to death. I've been praying for God to begin to reveal his will to me, to begin to show me what I need to do. Well let's just say he's really answered this prayer. Over the last couple of weeks, He's been showing me bits and pieces of it, and, honestly it scares me to death. It just flat out scares me. Before this, I was scared because I had no idea what the future held for me. And now I'm scared and I know where I'm going and what I am supposed to be doing. I don't know where I stand anymore. I know this isn't making sense to anyone but I just need to let it out. Part of it, I think, is the waiting. The waiting scares me. I don't know what to do when I wait. I know I worship him and I know I love. But, I think, my problem is that I do NOT understand that waiting is a part of it. It's part of everything and it's definitely part of his will for me. The way I live my life and the way everything in my life is makes me feel like I always must be doing something. And not just something, but something big. But sometimes the waiting period is big. This period can be used to prepare us for the big thing we are waiting for. I just need to realize that. But it seriously scares me that I'm going to have to wait, and not just for a short period, but for a while. It scares me that I know what I need to do, and that I have to wait to do it. It really does scare me. I am just going to have to be preparing myself for these things he has revealed to me. I am going to have to really dig deep and get to know him from every angle. I am going to have to examine EVERY aspect of my life and make Christ the center of everything. I am going to have to set my priorities in the right order for the next couple of years while I am waiting. I am going to just have to be patient and persevere while I'm waiting. Whatever it takes, I am going to reveal this will. And as hard as it gets. I am going to wait and wait until I know the time comes for what needs to be done. Please pray for me, Pray for God to give me patience and the strength to persevere. Also just pray for me because I am in the middle of a spiritual battle because of this. God is telling me to go one way and the devil is trying with all his might to talk me out of it. Thanks so much guys! I love you all so much. I would absolutely love some comments, verses, opinions, thoughts, encouragement, anything. I just love to hear from yall. LOVE.

We're All In This Together

Okay guys, So today I was checking out the Hillsong United App on my phone and I saw this video and wanted to share it. Seriously, please take the time to watch it. It's so true and has to do with what I've been blogging about lately. And I just wanted to say don't rob people of their blessings. When you walk or drive by the homeless person, stop, but don't put yourself in danger ever. But help them out. Bless them in some way. You could be the blessing that God gives them and If you don't do what God is telling you to by helping the helpless and showing them the love of "our God" not the idols of this world. Show them how God has healed us and brought us out of our pit and he can bring them out of their pit too. Don't rob them of their blessing from God. But here we go - WATCH THIS!!!

It's time...

Okay, this one may be a little controversial, but I feel it needs to be said. Let me open up with a quote that was said in our sunday school yesterday, "The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints." -Abigail Van Buren. That's how it is supposed to be. In this post, I am not ragging on one church in general, when I say church, I mean the body of Christ as a whole. Syd commented on my last post and told me that some Christians have been calling themselves "Followers of Christ" now instead of Christians, because of what the term has come to mean. That just makes me sad. It does. What I mean by this the term Christian has come to relate to things like, "Discrimination, Predjudice, Hate, Judgement, etc." when it should be, "Love, acceptance, selfless, etc." I say our generation redefines the term to what it was meant to be. And don't get me wrong, not all Christians are what I consider the modern definition of the term. I know many who are the second definition of the term. And they are some of the most respectable, loving, and kind people I know. But, I also know many people who, if someone with let's say has tattoos and earrings walked into the church, would probably assume certain things about the person because of their outer appearance. I hate to break it to them but some of the most godly people I know have tattoos. And I also hate to break it to them, that we are all not "cookie-cutter" christians. We are not perfect. That our sin is just as bad as their sin. I sometimes think that some of us look at their sin differently than ours just because of their appearance when in God's eyes it's all the same. It just doesn't make since to me. We are all sinners who gather together for the common purpose, of worshipping and learning about our creator and savior. We need to become just what that quote said a hospital for sinners. We need to show them our doctor and who heals us and makes us new. We need to love ALL sinners. Not just the ones that our like us and look "good". We are called, as Christians, to love everyone. That everyone includes: People who are a different color than us, those with tattoos, gays, lesbians, gothics, muslims, druggies, alcoholics, chain smokers, etc. EVERYONE. We need to show them who healed us and saved us from who we used to be. We must love them in everything we do. I think it's time that us christians step up to the plate and become low to make God high. It's time we stop making everything about us, and everything about him. It's time. BE THE DIFFERENCE. I love you all very much. I'd really love some opinions and comments on this one please. Do something for someone today. LOVE.

I'm ready.

I was just talking to Hannah a couple of minutes ago about some things I just needed to get off my chest. And she said I'm going to go home and read to get my mind off of all this and I said well I'm going home and blog about it. haha. That's how I get stuff off my chest. We were just talking about guys. No one specific, just guys, in general. The statement I made was well right now I'm just dating Jesus. I know that sounds kind of weird. But it's what I have decided to do until God decides to put someone "special" in my life. I'm going to get to know Jesus and who he really is. I want to know him on a deeper level. I want to run to him before anyone else. I want him to wrap me in his arms. I know this is what I need to be doing. So I'm off to go and have a little alone time with my date, who also happens to be my savior. Ironic. Just kidding! haha. But seriously I want to fall in love with Jesus. I know we've all heard this quote at one point or another but I'm about to break it out again. I want to be so close to my savior that a guy has to go through him to get to me. Like I said I'm ready to actually make it my identity like I said in my last blog. I'm ready to actually be what the word "christian" was meant to be not what the meaning has become. Our church has started a new series about being the difference. I want to be the difference. I'm ready to love. I'm ready to accept who and how I am and just focus on others and not myself. I'm ready to just show God's love through me. I'm ready to be the light in the darkness. I am ready. I am ready for a change. I am ready for God's will and purpose in my life. I am ready to fall in love...... with God. I am ready to be the change and stop relying on others to be it. I am ready to start helping those around me and being who I was called to be. I am ready to gain the confidence I've always wanted, because now I know exactly who I am. I'm his. I am ready to stop treating people the way the deserve to be treated and start loving them the way jesus does. I'm ready to stop being judgemental. I'm ready to stop being predjudice. I'm ready to stop being a procrastinator. I'm ready to work on my flaws. I'm ready for God to carve me into who he wants me to be. I know it may hurt but in the end I will be more beautiful than ever. I know I'm ready. So whose with me? Comments please. 

His Forever

Hey guys! I definitely haven't done this in a while but I'm back! Haha! I am so glad to be out of school, you just don't even know! This summer has already been pretty fun. I went to the beach the first week I got out of school which was extremely fun. Other than that I've just been hanging out with some friends. Lately, God has been dealing with me in many different ways. He has been teaching me to depend on him for everything. He has shown me that there is not a formula for having the perfect life, that to have the life he wants me to have I must be close to him and listen to him and obey him, because he is not the god of formulas but he is a relational god. He does things through relationships, The relationship between us and him, between each other, and between his creations and us. I thank him that he is a god of relationships and not formulas. But what he has really shown me is nothing I can do can knock me out of his hand. I am his forever. There's a new hillsong united song called yours forever that is a great reminder of this. No matter who we are, what we have done, what we will do, or even what church we go to, we are his FOREVER. That's hard for me to understand because our relationships with others don't work this way, sometimes we have to watch what we say or do so we don't make the other person mad. And then we they do get mad they just kick you out of their life for a while. But God will never do that, we are always his and he is always ours. We are his. We are his. I praise God for that because we are always HIS. Sometimes we feel like  certain people in our life, don't love us or don't care. I know i have been feeling like this a lot lately, but when we feel like this we have to remember who we belong to. Remember God is the God of relationships, he desires to be whatever we need, if we need a friend, he is our friend, and if we need a parent, he can be our parent, if we need love he gives us that love, if we just need to feel like someone cares he wraps us in his arms. Even when we feel the most unlovable, when we feel like no one can or does love us, God does. No matter what we have done, no matter how far we have strayed, no matter who loves us, no matter if were the best or the worse, the lowest or the highest, We belong to God. We are his FOREVER and not only that but he loves us. He care deeply. He wants us to lay our burdens upon him. We are his beloved and we will always be his beloved. I think we should begin to make that are identity. We should always remind ourselves that constantly. When you begin to have a bad day or feel unlovable, remind yourself that you are his! I love you guys very much and I hope everyone has a great weekend! I love getting comments to let me know that people are actually reading this so leave some! LOVE!

Changes

Hey guys! It feels like it has been a while when I guess it really hasn't.  Anyways, I'm sorry but I probably won't be blogging much this month. I have weddings, graduations, and a vacation this month so I have every weekend filled. YUCK! Okay anyways I went to Jana's Graduation today. Oh my goodness, that is some boring stuff right there. I played games on my phone the whole time. I just can't believe she's old enough to graduate college, much less have a baby! Gosh! Like Luke said in his last blog, It seems like all the sudden all these MASSIVE changes are coming about in people's lives. From Graduating to getting married to having babies. I mean it is hard to believe that in a little over a month my big sister will have a baby and I will be Aunt KK. Strange. In less than a month, Luke who is one of the greatest people ever will live what about 4 hours away. Who's going to take me to awesome concerts and make me laugh so hard that.... well not going to share that one with the world, but Luke you know what I'm talking about. It's crazy to think about. It feels like I'm just standing still watching life pass by. If that makes any sense whatsoever. It seems like just yesterday I was booger fishing in the puddles with my sister, or when Jana got her first car and I thought she was the coolest person ever, or when MaryBeth graduated High School. Gosh time definitely flys. But as I look back there are so many things I wish I could change and so many things I wish I could prevent and so many things I wish I could just live through one more time because it was such an awesome moment. I love change but then again I hate it. Somethings I want to stay exactly the same forever just because I like it that way and I am comfortable. But right now I am ready for these huge changes. I am so ready for God to take me out of my comfort zone and to gain the gutsy faith I have been praying for. I have this feeling that God has HUGE plans for every single person who willingly accepts his changes and lets him work in there life even when it isn't nessecarily comfortable. Have you ever pray for God's will to be done in your life? When you did, did you really mean it? I always pray that but honestly most of the time I haven't meant it. I think we all know in the back of our minds that sometimes God's will can put us in harm's way or take us somewhere "uncomfortable" and sometimes it can even mean risking everything. And knowing that we ask God for his will to be done NO MATTER WHAT but we do not mean it. As humans we naturally want to stay comfortable. I remember reading something on my friend Jake's facebook and it said, " We always ask for God to rain down on us, but when he does we become wet, sticky, and uncomfortable. So we run under shelter so we won't feel the rain anymore." Well I am sooooo ready to be uncomfortable! I am ready for this change. I am ready for God's will to be done in my life, because I know his plans our bigger and much better than my own. So I want God to rain on me, and I not only want to be able to stand there and not run away because it's uncomfortable, I want to DANCE IN THE RAIN! I want God to lead me through the rain until I see the rainbow he wants to give me..... Sorry I'm getting a little carried away! But I have this desire to be uncomfortable now. I have this desire to be rained on by God's spirit! So how are you taking these changes in your life? Are you avoiding being rained on at all costs possible just so you will be comfortable! If so I invite you to come dancing with me in the rain! I love you all very much! I hope you all have a wonderfully superb week!

Is God leading your dance?

Hello my friends!!! Well here we go with another "me spilling my dramatic life to the readers" blog. Once again I am going to apologize in advance. A second ago I sat down on my bed to talk to God before I read his word and I prayed, "Lord, tonight I have open ears and an open heart. Show me what I need to see. You know how I struggle with this whole waiting for the boyfriend thing, God. Please show me that you have it under control. If this desire I have is not from you, please, crush it and if it is subside it until the right time." Okay anyways, Funny thing, he answered my prayer again. He showed what I needed to be shown. And don't get me wrong when I prayed for him to take that weird mood I was in away, He did, but I will always have the desire for a boyfriend, but sometimes it can be stronger than others. Okay so I open up my bible straight to Proverbs 4 and I began to read it. This is the verse that stood out: "My [daughter], hear me and accept these words. I have taught you the way of wisdom. I have led you in the paths of uprighteousness. (LISTEN TO ME BELOVED, GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEAD) When you walk your step will not be hampered and IF you run you won't stumble. Take hold of my instructions. Guard it" which were verses 10-13. Okay so I'm the type of person who wishes that when I was born that God would just hand my parents a list to give me that said This is what you're going to do and this is where you are going to live and this is who you are going to marry. I know what's the fun in that, right? But I should praise God for giving us the freedom of choosing what we want to do: Follow him or do things our way. But I just need to come to realization that I'm not just going to be walking and an list with all the info of what I should do falls right out of the sky. I mean, I know we have the Bible, which is God's instruction book for our life but I mean I want to just know exactly  I need to do in list form. Okay I feel like this isn't making any since. Am I the only weird person like that? But God takes us on a journey to find each and every answer for our life and I think we learn stuff on the way. Like it says in those verses though God guides each one of us through our journeys. He makes sure that we do not stumble and if we begin to fall he catches us. So during our storms shouldn't we just trust that he knows what he is doing and why he is doing it and take his hand and dance with him in the rain. Okay so I just got this picture of a little girl taking her daddy's hand and standing on his feet and just letting him lead her through the dance. So why don't we do just that. He is reaching out to everyone so why don't we just take his hand and stand on his feet and let him lead us through the dance? Is it a trust issue? Is it a not knowing who he really is issue? I think that it is something different for each and everyone of us. So I think we should all begin to examine our lives and see who or what is leading you through your dance and if it not God, why? I know that was extremely scatter brained but that's me so I'm sorry!! Please leave comments, questions, opinions, oppositions, etc! I love you all very much! Hope everyone has an amazingly superb weekend! LOVE!

In my time.... Beloved

Okay Okay... So I'm about to lay everything out on the table. So I'm deeply sorry to whoever is reading this. I was just about to go to bed when I layed down at 8:40. Yes, I know it was early, but I was extremely tired. But I just began to pray and I got this random desire to read his word. Well first off let me tell you about my week. I've had one of those weeks. I have these random weeks where I look at my life and I'm like Man, look at you. You are so unorganized and a procrastinator and just plain out messed up. And then I look over to the perfect sitting beside me and they look like they have there life so perfect. You know those people who look like they have it all. They have brains, beauty, and a boyfriend. The three B's every girl wants. And I look at my life, and I'm like okay (I'm not trying to sound prideful in the least bit, so please don't take it that way) Brains, check. Beauty, ummm.... no. And Boyfriend, that's a negative. Anyways I just have these random weeks where I'm like okay well I want a boyfriend for so bad and I have been praying for one for the last two years, I guess I'm just going to be a nun for the rest of my life. Sorry I kind of got off on a tangent there but Tonight when I had that desire to read I prayed Help me get out of this stinkin mood!! I hate it. I seriously prayed that he would speak something to me that I desperately needed to here and guess what? He did just that. I turned to Ecclesiastes and I read the whole "There is a time for everything." passage. Well in chapter 3, verse 11 says He has made everything beautiful in his time. Well, that was one of the verses that stuck out to me. He basically was telling me, "Beloved I know you desire a relationship right now, but it is not the right time. Stop being so hormonal (for the lack of a better word) and just wait. And then I flipped to Psalms 130. And verse 5 says, " I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." So He was like Beloved in this waiting period seek me more than ever, lean on me when you have your little moods, and most of all learn who I really am. Put your hope in me and my word. Believe I am what the bible says I am and believe I can and will do what my word says I do. And last, Remember that I love you and that you are my creation and created in my image, at that, so how could you be ugly. I made you how I wanted to make you, and I love you for it. So remember when you have those weeks that God loves you no matter what. He doesn't care if you have the "PERFECT" life. I hate to break it to you but no one does, even though it may look like it. Just be the best you can be and give God your everything. He will control the rest. I was talking to Hannah Phillips and I told her when I read Ecclesiastes 3:11 that my opinion is that God is getting that guy he set apart especially for me ready for me. Because he will have to be. It's going to be a while if he's trying to prepare him. I feel sorry for that guy. Anyways well Sorry about the whole life story here but just felt like writing it. Thanks for reading! I love you all! 

Setting God up to look like a Jerk

Hey guys!! What is up? I'm just at work and I'm reading this incredibly amazing book again! Gutsy Faith. Seriously, You need to read it if you haven't. It talks a lot about why God sometimes answers our prayers with a no, if in his word it says, Ask and you will recieve. And we take that out of context so often. When we our not in sync with God's will for us then we sometimes ask for things that will, lets say, "hinder" that will. Sometimes what we ask for something that seems "godly" to us, when in reality it is not in God's plan for us. And God's plans are much bigger and better than our own plans. So when we try to take control and ask for things that our not for us then it is better that he says no. The book states it as this: We set God up to be a jerk. We aren't in the word and we aren't praying and listening to His voice like we should be, but we as humans always want something. So we end up asking for something that "looks to us" like we need it, either just to have if a physical object or sometimes we think that we need it in order to become closer to God, when it is not in his will for us to have it. So God says no because he knows that what we ask for is not best for it. So when we ask, and ask, and ask and do not recieve we say "ummm God, what's going on here? I asked and I am not receiving" and if your like me (and this may only be me) you tend to get mad at God. So do you understand how we set God up to look like a jerk when, really, he is helping us by doing what is best for us. Jeff Edmonson shows this principle in Gutsy Faith by talking about 2 Corinthians 12, when Paul stated that he asked God to remove a "thorn in his flesh" (which we have no idea what it was) 3 times. God responded no each time. Paul could NOT understand why God would leave something in his life that was distracting him so much from his God. I can understand exactly where he was coming from. Think about it, Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine asking over and over for something, and not just asking but passionately asking for something and hearing God's voice saying No, Beloved. And then asking one last time, weeping with your face to the ground, begging for only one thing for God to take away this certain "thorn in your flesh" and then hearing God quietly whisper no. As we keep reading we realize that God wanted Paul to overcome this certain thing. We see in verse 9 that God tells Paul, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Paul finally realizes that this "thorn" is not going to be removed and say, "For the sake of Christ, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, he is still Strong." God was showing off his power through Paul's weakness. So, God was using something that Paul saw as a distraction to better his kingdom. So In asking for God to remove this "thorn" Paul unintentionally was asking for something that was not in his will, therefore God answered his prayer with a no. Do you understand what I am saying at all. I mean, I feel like I am not getting my point across. But I just have never thought of this before. I have always been one to "Set God up to look like a Jerk." I ask for something without knowing if that is truly what God wants me to have. I really hope you all are getting this. God is so amazing how he brings everything together so well. This all leads back to seeking God. When we seek God He brings everything together. He WILL begin to reveal his will for us when we read his word, Pray, and altogether seek him. And when he does we will know what to ask for, and it will be in accordance to God's will so we will recieve it. Well I really hope I even somewhat got my point across. I would love to know any thoughts, opinions, comments, oppositions, verses, etc. I love you all very much and thanks so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you have many superb adventures this upcoming week. If you do I would absolutely love to know about them. Once again, I truly love yall! 

Quote of the day: (or lyrics: these come from Beautiful King by Danyew)

Beautiful King, 
has anybody seen 
Your glory unfold? 
You walk up to me 
with sparks in Your eyes, 
You brighten my world 

And You'll always be my only One. 
You're the only God I'll ever love 
because... 

Every word that you say 
wields the beauty of angels. 
Every smile is arrayed 
with a joy like wedding bells. 
It's my heart you hold. 
Of your mystery I sing. 
I will stand and behold 
my Beautiful King 

Love of my soul, 
with power untold, 
who is like you? 
Lamb that was slain, 
my God, You reign 
in victory and truth. 

And I'll follow You all my days. 
And I'll give to You every single thing. 
I hand everything over... 

Every word that You say 
wields the beauty of angels. 
Every smile is arrayed 
with a joy like wedding bells. 
It's my heart You hold. 
Of your mystery i sing. 
I will stand and behold 
my Beautiful King. 

And time flies by. 
We're not standing alone. 
Every word that You say, 
Father, let it be known. 
I fall so fast 
without You by my side. 
Let Your beauty be seen 

Let Your glory unfold 
Let Your glory unfold 
Let Your glory unfold 
Let Your glory unfold 

Every word that You say 
wields the beauty of angels. 
'Cause every smile is arrayed 
with a joy like wedding bells. 
It's my heart You hold. 
Of Your mystery i sing. 
I will stand and behold 
my Beautiful King!!! 

'Cause every word that you say 
wields the beauty of angels. 
'Cause every smile is arrayed 
with a joy like wedding bells. 
It's my heart You hold. 
Of your mystery i sing. 
I will stand and behold 
my Beautiful King."

Something New (Tim Brantley)

This is going to be an incredibly short post. I haven't posted in a while but Monday night I went to the Josh Kelley, Ryan Cabrera, Tim Brantley, and Brandon Whyde concert and it was amazing. To see some pictures of us at the concert go to thelwproject.blogspot.com. Oh the soundtrack to my week has been Tim Brantley's Goldtop Heights... Let me just tell you one word: Amazing! Check it out!
Here's some of his lyrics: This is his song "Something New"
Summertime was the end of the line
I'd had enough id done my time
i was looking out for something new yeah
and something looked a lot like you
i had plans to hide my blues away
behind castle walls or roam like a stray
and i knew you but i didn’t know you were the truth oh
and 1 step my knees are getting weak yeah
and 2 steps come on and do it for me oh
and 3 steps i gotta make it to you
but the 4th step never happened you were right on cue
when you asked me what i wanted and i said its you its you
fall and winter kinda knocked me dow
n kinda grew me up back in my old town
and what i needed never let me go
when i pulled so hard i want you to know
that telling you wasnt the easiest thing (big shot city boys)
made you tired of that scene
and i knew you but i didn't know you well
with you uptown girls you know its hard to tell
well a saxaphone was sounding off at three am
playing hard luck climbing lovers limbs
oh and i could almost see the future in your stare
oh the delicate moves of a love affair
oh you made me a believer i could kiss your feet
lay my coat down for you as you cross the street
is there anyone else in the world but you.

Anyways I'll post another one of my extremely long post sometime this weekend hopefully. I've just been extremely busy. But I hope you guys have an amazingly superb weekend. I love you all!